How Being a Social Analyst Influenced My Behavior on Raising a Puppy

It’s been seventy days. Seventy days where I officially became *that* dog mom. Ohhh yes. At least 10% of those days included crying hysterically from pure exhaustion and carrying a 5-pound bowling ball up and down three sets of stairs to go to the bathroom. But most of the time, I was predicting her next move. For those of you who’ve had a puppy, those first few days with your new family member are living hell. When I mean hell, I mean you get to the point where you’ve lost weight from starvation, haven’t showered in three days, and don’t remember the last time you’ve slept more than a few hours. We’ve all been there.

So, how did I survive? Did I make it easier? Oh, yes. Something clicked after four days and I realized that if I just implemented my analytical abilities, I’d be able to predict the future by always being a few paw prints ahead.

Avoid The Ruff Life: Research!

Prior to picking up Bailey, who was a 9-week old mini dachshund at the time, I did what any reputable analyst does: Research! And, research I did. Barnes & Noble and Google became my saving grace and pure cause for pre-puppy anxiety. While most training tips conflict with one another, Patricia B. Connell’s book “The Other End of The Leash: Why We Do What We Do Around Dogs” saved my life. You’ve literally got an animal behaviorist explaining how dogs communicate. If there’s one thing I've learned, it’s that humans speak too much… as do most advertisements. So I avoided what came naturally, and instead, did everything in my power to notice patterns.

Paws & Reflect: Notice Patterns.

While most people cringe at the thought of opening a spreadsheet... I was overjoyed to do anything other than bag feces. I figured that if I can predict online trends and sentiment for brands, I can predict the actions of my own pup. Pivot tables and scatter plots will be your new best friends. I continued documenting everything she did for weeks and constantly updated data to predict her next move. And boy, did it work! So well, in fact, that I’ll let you in on a few takeaways that got me a full night's rest.

Top 5 Learnings:

• You’re awake! Great! Bailey likes to give 15 minutes of kisses after she’s been awoken. Plan ahead.

• Want less potty accidents? Bailey has a 93.4% chance of going potty ~15 minutes after eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

• Did she just wake up from a nap? She has a 100% chance of going potty. Take her immediately.

• Save your patience. Bailey acts like an angsty teenager between the hours of 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM every. single. day.

• You’re getting very sleepy. Good news! Bailey falls asleep at 8:30 PM and will sleep through the night until 7:30 AM each morning.

Paws & Reflect: Notice Patterns.

All right, all right. I’ll stop with the terrible dog puns. While Bailey and I still have a ways to go, especially when it comes to co-posting on her Instagram (another story for another time), I know what every twitch and silent stare means.

But really, I’ve never been more proud of myself. In seventy days, I was able to train my puppy into a well-trained companion by predicting outcomes. I’d like to thank Google for calming my nerves after Bailey hiccuped for the first time, UberEats for providing enough garlic fries to suppress a vampire, and my mattress that’s fluffier than all the clouds in the sky.

– Diana Mabie, Senior Social Media Analyst / New Dog Mom

#socialmedia #analytics